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Keto Crash

Last week, I dreamt I was eating a bagel. Not a New York bagel, the outside crisp and sprinkled with poppy seeds, toasted flakes of onion and tiny, square cubes of salt. No, the dense, bready pre-sliced kind you buy in plastic bags. It was the closest I got to bread in a week.

I cut carbs. No bread, no sugar, no potatoes. If we were having this conversation face to face, you’d probably imagine I have terrible eating habits. Crinkly bags of colorful candy, piles of glazed donuts, giant folded slices of pizza with sauce oozing out the edges and dark spots of grease growing underneath it on the cardboard box. You might raise an eyebrow at what I’m eating in lieu of carbs – high amounts of animal fat and protein. The Keto diet. Hardly a diet if it includes bacon. Don’t worry – I secretly think all of this too, because I’m a fat person.

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Published in Recent Writing